I thought I'd write a post explaining a little information about me that many of you won't know about, since I've been a young child I've had trouble dealing with my appearance, not because I'm insecure (this isn't a sob story so don't worry!).. A lot of my family members noticed something different about me, it was obvious and It was impossible to hide from everyone. I continuously felt the urge to pull out my hair, not the hair on my head, but my eyelashes and my eyebrows. You can imagine what I had to deal with going to primary school, it was awful looking back what I went through, I was such a push over when it came down to the everyday comments I always expected to receive, continuously telling them "oh it's nothing", or "I have alopecia due to stress". Everything I told to every single individual person, it was clear on their face it wasn't believable but I felt it really wasn't their business anyway so I always shrugged it off. I looked like a alien and there wasn't anything to prevent it.
The worst of all had to be secondary school, make-up wasn't exactly banned but I'd say every day of attending I'd always be told to remove what I was wearing. I absolutely dreaded it, as make-up to me is still almost like a mask, covering up parts I'm insecure about, I'd be given make-up wipes to remove EVERYTHING on my face. There was one day I would say had to be the worst, a teacher I loathed pretty much forced me to remove my make-up even though she knew how I felt about it all, (you can imagine she was a nasty piece of work) no care in the world for her vulnerable student. All this lead me to so many awful paths, I wouldn't say I was depressed but I would of done anything to have a day off from school, having so much negativity in my life got me starting to overdose, self injury, the lot.
I'm still trying to fight Trich, I will always fight against it, the fact I have to wear false eyelashes every single day is tiring. It pains me I still at 18 years of age still don't have long eyelashes and not able to wear mascara like all girls do. I can't even walk out of my own house without putting on make-up, you can imagine it's costly for me having to buy so much of it, especially eyelash glue. It's so difficult to disguise the fact I have no lashes at all on my top lids (I do at the bottom), but it kind of grates on me when I get questioned quite a lot on why I wear false eyelashes daily. It's become a day-to-day routine, I'm used to it and makes me feel awful, I feel ashamed I do this but it's nothing I can control. Being patronised doesn't help me stop, it's a constant circle.
The reason I thought of sharing this is that I know Sam Faiers is in the same boat as me, I definitely think she can hide it far better than me as she's likely to have a make-up artist to help her out with natural everyday looks, but this is an awkward topic to talk about as I've never spoken to anybody about it. Doctors never treated me with the appropriate help I needed, I guess it comes down to will power, but as it is a psychological condition it feels impossible to see an end and pulling really gives you some kind of relief (as awful as that sounds it's true). We all have different personalities but I will always consider myself shy because of having this condition, it makes you feel extremely guilty/ashamed/embarrassed which can lead to a very extremely low self-esteem. I would highly recommend to anyone who may be in the same state as me, to consult your doctor, don't feel ashamed, ask for help, what's the worst that can happen? Nobody wants to feel isolated or upset, this can make a huge impact on your life, yes there may be people worse off but you're still important and you can fight this!
I feel as though I will want to delete this post, knowing some individuals are very judgemental, I'm hoping I won't be seen differently (I'm still human..) but I am happy to chat to anyone who is struggling to cope with this condition, it's an awful thing to have, absolutely nobody deserves to feel there's nothing left of them.
The worst of all had to be secondary school, make-up wasn't exactly banned but I'd say every day of attending I'd always be told to remove what I was wearing. I absolutely dreaded it, as make-up to me is still almost like a mask, covering up parts I'm insecure about, I'd be given make-up wipes to remove EVERYTHING on my face. There was one day I would say had to be the worst, a teacher I loathed pretty much forced me to remove my make-up even though she knew how I felt about it all, (you can imagine she was a nasty piece of work) no care in the world for her vulnerable student. All this lead me to so many awful paths, I wouldn't say I was depressed but I would of done anything to have a day off from school, having so much negativity in my life got me starting to overdose, self injury, the lot.
I'm still trying to fight Trich, I will always fight against it, the fact I have to wear false eyelashes every single day is tiring. It pains me I still at 18 years of age still don't have long eyelashes and not able to wear mascara like all girls do. I can't even walk out of my own house without putting on make-up, you can imagine it's costly for me having to buy so much of it, especially eyelash glue. It's so difficult to disguise the fact I have no lashes at all on my top lids (I do at the bottom), but it kind of grates on me when I get questioned quite a lot on why I wear false eyelashes daily. It's become a day-to-day routine, I'm used to it and makes me feel awful, I feel ashamed I do this but it's nothing I can control. Being patronised doesn't help me stop, it's a constant circle.
The reason I thought of sharing this is that I know Sam Faiers is in the same boat as me, I definitely think she can hide it far better than me as she's likely to have a make-up artist to help her out with natural everyday looks, but this is an awkward topic to talk about as I've never spoken to anybody about it. Doctors never treated me with the appropriate help I needed, I guess it comes down to will power, but as it is a psychological condition it feels impossible to see an end and pulling really gives you some kind of relief (as awful as that sounds it's true). We all have different personalities but I will always consider myself shy because of having this condition, it makes you feel extremely guilty/ashamed/embarrassed which can lead to a very extremely low self-esteem. I would highly recommend to anyone who may be in the same state as me, to consult your doctor, don't feel ashamed, ask for help, what's the worst that can happen? Nobody wants to feel isolated or upset, this can make a huge impact on your life, yes there may be people worse off but you're still important and you can fight this!
I feel as though I will want to delete this post, knowing some individuals are very judgemental, I'm hoping I won't be seen differently (I'm still human..) but I am happy to chat to anyone who is struggling to cope with this condition, it's an awful thing to have, absolutely nobody deserves to feel there's nothing left of them.
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